Have a Little Faith...

I am very proud of myself.  This weekend saw the tenth anniversary of the first couple that I ever set up.  Yup.  That’s right.  Ten whole years!  I’m sure you’ll all join me in wishing Ben Croft and Liza Smith huge congratulations, I hope that the next ten years (and beyond) will be equally brilliant.  Now I have a feeling that we can all learn a lot from these two and their tale, so I’m going to tell you a bit more about them.  Brace yourselves, given that this is my finest achievement as a matchmaker, it’s going to be a long one…

Liza and I went to school together.  Her Grandad used to take me to ballet classes and her Nan is the reason that I’m frightened of small dogs.  She is, without a doubt, one of my favourite people on the planet and I love her as if she were part of my family.  Now to be honest, I’m not really sure where to start with Ben.  On Facebook, his description is ‘ridiculous man’ and I think that this sums him up pretty well.  He is unique.  He’s interested in everyone and everything and he genuinely has a heart of gold.  He wants to make the world a better place in the most insane ways possible.  If you met him you would not forget him, that’s for sure.  

So, you ask, what possessed me to match this pretty, kind and funny girl with this amazing but crazy guy?  Well, as with all our finest matches, I can’t quite put my finger on it.  They just fit.  I can even remember the very class I was in when I first had the idea that the two of them should ‘get it on.’  On paper they don’t make sense at all.  But in the flesh, something about their shared sense of ambition, combined with their laid back approach to life, just seemed to make sense to me.  

Having learned as much about relationships as I have, I can tell you that looking back - without even realising it – they both dealt with the early days beautifully.  Liza, ever the lady, was caring, flirty and fun.  Ben, without losing his ‘cool’ was gentlemanly, affectionate and not afraid of admitting that he was interested in Liza.  Neither of them tried to ‘play’ the situation, but rather went with their feelings and got to know one another.  

Now at the beginning of a new romance, you definitely don’t want to appear too keen, but there is something to be said for just going with the flow.  I reckon that it’s much much simpler this way.  We all know of ‘The Game’ and other psychological techniques used in the early stages of dating – and these things do work, BUT they rarely lead to a relationship.  If you can’t see any potential then by all means follow Neil Strauss’s words to the letter (his tips work for girls too by the way), but if you think that at some point there could be something more significant there, then it is a bad way to go about things.  You don’t have to dive in head first like Liza and Ben.  You just don’t have to behave like a moron either – making the other person know that they are important to you is a good place to start and you take it from there really. 

So, having had a wonderful beginning to their relationship, Ben and Liza proceeded to go to university and then travel the world together.  They are now living in New York and building up a small empire between them. Throughout the years they’ve encountered far more than their fair share of misfortune, but amazingly, one thing they’ve managed to maintain is their sense of fun together.  They party, hang out, go to gigs, explore new places and basically have a good laugh.  I think that’s the key to it really.  Can you be yourself with this other person in all these different situations?  Does this person challenge you, surprise you and make you laugh?  Do you have enough common interests that you can relate to one another, yet enough differences that you can maintain your own independence?  In other words, is there enough to keep you interested for ten years at least? 

Luckily for Ben and Liza the answer to all these questions is ‘yes’ and I am thrilled to tell you that on Saturday Ben Croft orchestrated one of the most amazing proposals of all time.  The two of them will be Mr and Mrs Croft in little over a year and Liza has very kindly asked me to be her Maid of Honour!!!!!!!!!  I am of course delighted to be awarded such a task.  It’s not been easy for them to get here, but they have, and the people who love them couldn’t be happier.  So to the single folk out there, if you’re after the real deal, I’d encourage you to have a little faith and make sure that you stay true to yourselves – if you follow your gut, you’ll never go too far wrong.  It wont be easy and it probably wont pan out quite the way you expected, but it’ll be worth it for sure.