Under Pressure

Despite the fact that I’m generally not a very girly girl, I do enjoy sipping a bottle of vino (or three) with my lady mates.  They are a very good bunch indeed - I’ve done well there.  I’d like to point out that I make every effort to ensure that we in no way resemble Carrie and her cronies, but inevitably when you talk about your lives, the subject of men folk does come up. 

Recently, one of my loveliest friends, let’s call her Doris, was voicing her woes over a situation with her fella, let’s call him Juan (who said pseudonyms can’t be international?).  Juan and Doris have been together for just over a year now, and of late they’ve been squabbling an awful lot more than usual. Inevitably their arguments result in heated and exhausting discussions over whether or not they should move in together, where their relationship is going and a whole host of other pretty scary stuff.   Yikes.  You see all their pals are either getting engaged (!) or bunking up with their other halves.   It’s obvious that peer pressure is wearing them down. 

I can see how things like this happen.  At three years into our five year relationship, people started asking the object of my affections when he was going to get a ring on my finger.   Erm, say what now?  What a god awful question to ask in the pub of all places.  Not only was it none of their business, but I can promise you that I WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT ANY SUCH RING ON MY BLOODY FINGER!!!  I’m still a long way off being ready for that grown up lark, (in fact, I’m further away since I now lack a worthy contender for the job!).  Nevertheless, people went on saying it for another two years.   Luckily, we were both pretty happy with things as they were, so it didn’t faze us too much.

I have, however, seen this type of pressure send some of my closest and most sane friends absolutely nut-nut.  (And not just the girls).  The pressure to move forward will of course make you crazy, and worse still, could potentially mean that you end up with someone you’re not particularly well suited to.  So what are you supposed to do when it feels like everyone is making headway and you’re there standing like a lemon?

It’s simple.  Chill out.  Communicate.  Beat to the rhythm of your own drum.  (I’d make a good hippy, don’t you think?)

Ladies – If you’re feeling this kind of pressure then I’d advise you to ease up a bit.  I know it’s much easier said than done, but you really are doing yourself a disservice if you get all Bridget Jones about it.  After all, you don’t want to force the poor fellow into submission do you?  What kind of romance is that?  Don’t preoccupy yourselves with the milestones.  Obsessing over these will probably mean that you miss out on the day to day loveliness of your man-friend, which is a shame, since he’s probably really nice.

I’m not saying that you should abandon any fairytale dreams you have, I’m just pointing out that forcing them to come true is a mistake.  Just place your focus on having a happy and healthy relationship and you’ll get a lot further.

Gents – You can avoid any hassle simply by being honest.  If you actually like the girl you’re with, then she deserves to know how you feel and where she stands.  Don’t make any promises you can’t keep and you’ll have nowt to worry about.  As long as your lovely lady feels cared for, she’ll be happy.

Now I don’t mean to go all Beyonce on you, but someone should tell you people this; I’ve interviewed thousands of singletons and one thing you might be interested to know is that I frequently meet men in their 30’s who had a ‘one that got away’.  I’ve never met a woman where this is the case.   I’m not suggesting that you allow yourself to become trapped into something you’re not ready for, just don’t make the mistake of ballsing it up with someone you actually like.  Just a bit of food for thought. 

It’s cliché, but the key to it is to be open and honest with each one another, that and also making sure that you don’t get swayed by those around you.  And don’t worry so much, if I’m certain of one thing it’s that panicking is NEVER productive.  Just do what feels right for you and don't fret about others.  If you concentrate on making each other happy, then what will be will be.