Like most people these days, I use Facebook. I log in a couple of times a day, catch up with friends/family abroad and generally keep in touch with my mates closer to home. From what I can tell, everybody is having a super fun crazy time (all of the time). Brilliant. Facebook is a public demonstration of the best or funniest version of ourselves, so most folk tend to take it with a pinch of salt.
I do really like seeing what my pals are getting up to and generally enjoy the banter that appears on my feed. One thing puzzles me though – there seems to be some couples who choose to communicate their affections via each other’s Facebook wall. I just don’t get this. If you are really into someone, then why does it matter that everyone on Facebook knows the ins and outs of your relationship on a daily basis? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Far from it. With my ex for instance, in true 80's power ballad style, I was his lady and he was my man. Even now, given the chance I will sing his praises, so I’m definitely no party pooper when it comes to love.
I just happen to think that since you can talk to the world and his dog via their wall, then it might be nicer, more significant even, if romantic dealings were left to private messages. I fully accept that you’re free to write whatever you want on ‘the book of Faces’, and that if I don’t like it, I need only look away. So for this reason, I won’t waste my energy on labouring this point. What I do find intriguing though, is the role that Facebook plays earlier on in the dating process.
How do the pokes, the likes and the comments feed into wooing? As ever, I turn to my buddies and colleagues for the answers. I conducted a little survey, to which 86 people responded (I figure that’s an okay sample size for the purpose of this blog) and have found some pretty interesting results.
Just FYI, about half the people who filled in the survey were guys, and the other half (we can safely assume) were girls. The juiciest result, I think, is that when asked if people prefer romantic contact publicly or privately on Facebook, only 2 people said public contact was their preferred choice. It seems that if you want to catch someone’s eye, then commenting on their status or posting on their wall is not as effective as sending them a private message.
This was reinforced by the fact that 59% of people said they do not count ‘liking’ someone’s status as a form of flirtatious communication. Whilst I think that the odd ‘like’ (when twinned with other contact) can be quite cheeky, I can totally see why this is the case. When you make private contact, it is a bolder, more flattering move and is ultimately more affectionate as well, since it is just between the two of you.
I then asked how people would like to be contacted - 63% said that they would respond more favourably to a phone call. Next in line was a text, then via Facebook and then email. Personally, I would go along with this. I respond far better to ‘advances’ when they are via text/telephone. I’ve always thought that I was a bit old fashioned and perhaps alone on this one, but apparently not.
So does that mean that flirting over Facebook is a bit of a waste of time? Well, not entirely. Over half of the respondents reckon that Facebook makes flirting easier and more fun, which would indicate that if you use it wisely, then it does have its place. Plus I’m sure it won’t be too long before they think of ways to make it a bit more romantic too. In the meantime though, if you like someone, I reckon you should go for it and pick up the phone. Or at least send a text.
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