How to break up with someone.

Now, you might think that this is a terrible thing to give advice on, and I'd totally agree with you.  The process of of breaking up is at worst truly awful, and at best, truly inconvenient. I've heard hundreds of break up stories over the years, and I've also experienced what we can basically call a divorce - so I understand that each instance is uniquely grim for at least one person involved, yet equally, I've heard enough to know that there are common qualities in every situation.

Most of my close friends, save a group of about 8 girls, are guys.  Because of my job, they consult me about their love life, more than I expect they would if I worked in say, the food preparation industry.  Recently, one of my best buds was trying to break up with his girlfriend for about 3 months.  (Yes, I know that's pretty cowardly, but it's also quite typical when you're a nice guy who actually happens to like the girl you want to break up with.)

Having instructed him on what to do for almost 12 weeks (with failed results each time), I was getting pretty annoyed that he wasn't listening to me.  So, I sat him down and gave him a step by step approach which I all but drilled into him.  Lo and behold, it worked.  He managed to 'man up' and see it through, whilst minimising the potential devastation caused to his then besotted girlfriend.  (I've seen her since, and she's fine.)

So, here goes, my suggested method when it comes to doing the deed:

Step 1 (imperative): Set a time limit.  

This sounds harsh, but I promise you that it's the key to avoiding things getting nastier than they need to be.  If the other person doesn't see this coming, or doesn't want to break up, then it's completely natural for them to try and make you stick around to change your mind. Provide a reason that you have to leave from the off, and you'll avoid it turning into a drawn out, teary mess.

Step 2: Tell the other person (clearly) that you do not want to be with them.

This may seem obvious, but in the god-awful reality of the situation, you'd be forgiven for going about things in a very long winded way.  Don't.  Try and be as direct as you can.  And be honest.  Never EVER promise anything you don't mean, or can't deliver.  (That's just good advice for life, but even more so in this context).  You're going to want to say all sorts of things to comfort him/her, but leading someone on at this time is the worst thing you can do.  

Step 3: Hear what they have to say

At some point, you have liked this person (if you still don't that is), so they deserve to be heard out in full.

Repeat Step 2 
And whatever you do, don't agree to go on a break.

Then Leave 

Unless he/she has come to your house.  If that is the case, then that would make no sense and you should ask them to leave.  If you can avoid spending the night together then you must.  You'll probably only end up sleeping together, and whilst that may feel really (really) nice in the moment, it will only make things worse.

Like I say, I speak from experience, so I fully appreciate that things don't pan out as easily as my little 'how to' guide would suggest.  I guess the point I'm trying to make is that in order to minimise the hurt, you at least have to think about the specifics of your approach. If you give it some strategic consideration, then you're likely to end things in a more dignified, more resolved way.

Obviously depending on how long you've been together, you'll probably need to have conversations subsequent to this.  The hardest part is always instigating the break, so if you try to handle that well, then the rest will hopefully be a little bit easier for you both.

Good luck!

P.S.  This probably doesn't need saying, but be sure that you actually do want to break up before you go through all this, only to reconsider, you banana.