Safe in the knowledge that guys and gals the world over are motivated by similar impulses, I'm constantly intrigued by cultural customs which exist when it comes to dating etiquette. Whilst it's in nobody's interest for me to compare say, traditional Russian courtship with romance in, I don't know, Africa, there is one cultural comparison which readers of this blog may find interesting.
Many client interviews and far too many coffees ago, I met a smokin' 30 something girl, who'd just returned to London having lived (and dated) in New York for almost eight years. She was finding the London dating scene something of a struggle and needed my help in the hunt for a worthy contender. 'Surely things can't be all that different?' I thought to myself. Well I've done a little research and apparently, they can.
New York
On Sex and the City, first dates are described as job interviews with cocktails. Word on the street suggests that this is true, and even then, you only have one or two cocktails. That's right kids, you do not get drunk on your first date in NY! Oh, and the guy pays for everything, no questions asked - none of this 50/50 business. They foot the bill. Lastly, it's also fairly common to end the date without so much as a smooch, for that is a second date activity, of course.
Job interview with cocktails.
London
Dating in London it would seem, is a whole other ball game. To start with, tt's more common for girls to cough up some cash, that's probably because they're hammered though (it all sounds a bit Dutch, don't you think?!). And notably, there tends to be much more physical contact from the off. Before you say anything, I've checked and no, that's not just from my experience. Cheeky!
So, does this mean that girls in London are more 'up for it' and guys in New York are getting a raw deal. Nah-uh! Why? Because cunningly, our pals across the pond have developed this thing known as the '3 month chat'.
What is this 3 month chat?
In a nutshell, the 3 month chat is the conversation you have when you want to 'go steady'. It's an official term which I've heard several people use. The beauty of it lies in the fact that prior to this conversation, it's taken as given that you are seeing other people (the details of which you never discuss). At 3 months, you then decide (openly) where you want to go from there.
And that's why the early stages of dating in NY are so much slower. You may go on your first date with a guy one night and your fourth date with another guy the next. By which time, neither of you have seen anything wrong with a lil' bump and grind. It's the plate spinning model of dating. You can afford to take your time over your newer, um, plates, because you've got another 2 on the go. Naturally, where relationships are concerned, things can get complicated. Still, I think we'd do well to take note from our State-side pals. Everyone seems to know these unwritten rules, making it more straight forward for those involved.
I expect though that the reason we've not already adopted this is because booze free dating in the UK sounds about as realistic as a popular vegetarian barbecue.
Still, food for thought I s'pose.
No comments:
Post a Comment